Monday, September 16, 2013

Hello Panic Attack

So it is Monday and my Literature class it tonight.  I get real nervous when I go to this class because right now it is all about poetry.  I struggle with that and interpreting it....Ugh!!!  Well we are learning how to compare a picture to the poem written about it.  She says we are going to each be assigned one and we are going to study it and present it to the class.  At this point I think I went completely pale and was trying to figure out which door was closest for my quick exit.  So I of course said a quick prayer...and pretty soon I started to calm down, my fists weren't quenched so tight anymore...needless to say I did survive and didn't pass out.  I think I did a pretty good job!!  Sigh of Relief.....Next week my first test in this class.....let the next panic attack happen. 

The Picture Below and the two poems are what I had to present to the class...It is actually very interesting.
Peter Brueghel the Elder, Landscape with the fall of Icarus
Musee des Beaux Arts
W. H. Auden About suffering they were never wrong,
The old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position: how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water, and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

Landscape With The Fall of Icarus

  by William Carlos Williams
According to Brueghel
when Icarus fell
it was spring

a farmer was ploughing
his field
the whole pageantry

of the year was
awake tingling

the edge of the sea
with itself

sweating in the sun
that melted
the wings' wax

off the coast
there was

a splash quite unnoticed
this was
Icarus drowning

So what do you all think????

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Another week down...

Went to my first week of my Literature class, one that I was dreading and struggling with all the reading.  I did make it to the class, even though I kept telling myself I couldn't do it.  The class wasn't bad at all!!  My professor is an older woman who is so eccentric.  She gets so excited about poetry and laughs at her own jokes!  Poetry is not my thing, but I think I will survive this class. It is definitely going to be hard for me, but it will be a good challenge. 
Who would have thought that my Anthropology class would be so interesting and I am so into it!  Crazy right!!  I have a pretty good professor so that helps. I got my first assignment back and I did a pretty good job, such a sigh of relief...I may survive.   I look forward to going to class each week.  My first tests are coming up....My oh My...Let the anxiety begin.
The Rendezvous Building where both of my classes are in the same class room!
 The skulls we are studying right now.  I didn't get pictures of the Gorilla's..they were pretty cool!!

 My First Assignment...I got a Very Good Job!!  I will take it!!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Back to School, Back to School, to prove to dad that I'm not a fool...

So I have decided to go back to school...Someone help me!  It was a last minute decision and everything just fell into place.  I got into Idaho State University, got my student loans, and books.  Attended my first class the end August, was very nervous, circled the building a couple times while talking myself out of going, then talking myself into going.  I parked in the farthest parking lot away so I could get some exercise walking to class.  I felt a little old walking by the dorms....hoped I wasn't the oldest one in the class.  Anthropology my first class...wasn't the oldest one in the class, but was definitely afraid to talk to anyone, kept to myself and listened intently.  I haven't yet been to my Literature class, I missed the first day due applying so late.  I have struggled with the reading so far which has been super discouraging.  I will attend my first class there tomorrow 9/9...I am extremely nervous and feel that I am not very will prepared.  I have done my best to get through the 200 pages of reading...ugh....I keep telling myself to drop the class, but I don't want too...I need to finish school.  I need to do something that will make me happy.  Instead of bouncing from one job to the next.  I want to be a teacher, I always have wanted that, but I hate school...Ironic...I think so. 
The 2nd day in my Anthropology class...I made a goal to participate and talk to someone.  I felt prepared.  I read everything I was suppose to read, some of it twice.  I did the homework...with only a few tears.  I think it will get better each week.  I was nervous all class...then he asked a question...I knew the I raised my hand.  He called on me in a very nervous voice I answered...He said excellent.  Oh my goodness I just got a gold star. That is how it felt!  I took a deep breath and the nerves went away.  Then we had small group discussions..started to freak out a bit.  Didn't leave after the break...another gold star.  I was so glad when the guy in front of me asked me to be in their group.  YES!!  I met 3 people in my class.  One who's name is Stacey and she is awesome!  My first friend at college.  Such a nerd...  I was able to accomplish both goals: Participate and Make a friend!
I feel like a complete dork, having to set goals for myself and having a constant battle with myself to do homework, stay in school and not drop out, not feeling smart enough. Has anyone gone back to school after a long time and felt like this or am I the only one.  I have to do this, I know there will be good days and bad.  I need to do something with my life, these dead end jobs are killing me.  Am I thankful I have a job.  Heavens to Betsy yes....but I want to do something that I have always wanted to do...So back to school I go.