This last year has been one of the most trying and difficult years of my life. I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I know that I need to better myself in so many ways. Now did I lose all the weight I wanted to, no, probably gained some. But my year was not solely focused on weight loss, in order for me to lose the weight I need to make other changes in my life. I spent a good part of the year focusing on letting things go, especially things I have no control over and have been hanging on to them for years. Also not dwelling on the bad and letting it affect me for months at a time. Realizing I am not perfect and if I have a bad day, or something doesn't go as planned, there is always tomorrow to start over and I do not need to bring it over into the next day. This was huge for me, I am not perfect at it, but I have learned how to let things go. I have in the past tended to dwell on things that are not that important and it affects my life in such a negative way. I am learning and am much better at focusing on the positive things in my life. Such as a family who loves me for me...craziness and all. Also for a Father in Heaven who knows me..where I need to be and who needs to be in my life. I have been so blessed to be in Blackfoot, ID (who would have thought I would ever say that, lol) and for the friends I have made here and how welcoming they are and how much love they have shown me! We all need to be loved right? Most importantly we all need to love ourselves...something I struggle with and something I am working on every day.
Goal #1 for 2014: Believing that I deserve better and I am better...Most importantly loving myself!!!
A little bit of Hope.... In August of this last year I started school again after a very long time. School is hard for me and it always has been. I took Anthropology and a literature class. I really liked both of them. Literature I ended up getting a B+, which I was stoked about. My professor, who I liked very much, was hard to figure out and I struggled knowing exactly what she wanted. Did really well on the papers, but struggled somewhat on the tests. But I left that class with a better appreciation of poetry, drama, fiction and non fiction stories. Anthropology was a bit harder than the literature class, but the professor was amazing, I couldn't wait to go to the class each week and it was a 2 1/2 hour class. This wasn't a sit and listen to the professor type class, I had to be involved, working in groups, class discussion. I made a goal to make a comment each week, which I did, so I had to know my stuff. His tests were hard. On the first test 78% (devastated, wanted to throw in towel), 2nd test 84% (feeling a little better), 10 page paper 96%, and finally the final....(sorry this is long) This is where a little hope comes into play...I studied really hard for this final, I knew if I could get an A depending on the percentage I would get an A or A- in the class. I had some extra credit to make up for my other tests that weren't at the highest. The final comes...I take my time taking going over each question at least 5 times and making sure all my answers matched up with the right number. I left feeling ok...positive that I more than likely will get a B,B+ in the class and I was ok with that. I knew that I had done everything I could. I am at work and every day, every hour more like it I check to see if they grades are posted....Well....I refresh for the 100th time that day and guess what pops up 100%...and sat there shocked and refreshed it a few more times...then it hit me...I did it...I got an A....Then I sat and cried in my office like a baby!! In that moment for the rest of the day was this overwhelming feeling of hope and that I really can do anything, a little hard work and massive amounts of prayer and major things can happen. It has been a long time since I felt such true happiness and joy. I don't ever want to forget that feeling, which is why I am writing this and maybe by sharing this this can help someone realize that they can do it to. Because since that moment and coming into a new year I have had those moments of doubt and insecurity...I remember that 100% and that I can do this. I know that there will be struggles, but getting through those struggles can only make me stronger.
Goal #2 for 2014: Take life day by day and don't let the little things get you down. I need to always have hope... Remembering the 100%...
All things are Possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1