Sunday, September 8, 2013

Back to School, Back to School, to prove to dad that I'm not a fool...

So I have decided to go back to school...Someone help me!  It was a last minute decision and everything just fell into place.  I got into Idaho State University, got my student loans, and books.  Attended my first class the end August, was very nervous, circled the building a couple times while talking myself out of going, then talking myself into going.  I parked in the farthest parking lot away so I could get some exercise walking to class.  I felt a little old walking by the dorms....hoped I wasn't the oldest one in the class.  Anthropology my first class...wasn't the oldest one in the class, but was definitely afraid to talk to anyone, kept to myself and listened intently.  I haven't yet been to my Literature class, I missed the first day due applying so late.  I have struggled with the reading so far which has been super discouraging.  I will attend my first class there tomorrow 9/9...I am extremely nervous and feel that I am not very will prepared.  I have done my best to get through the 200 pages of reading...ugh....I keep telling myself to drop the class, but I don't want too...I need to finish school.  I need to do something that will make me happy.  Instead of bouncing from one job to the next.  I want to be a teacher, I always have wanted that, but I hate school...Ironic...I think so. 
The 2nd day in my Anthropology class...I made a goal to participate and talk to someone.  I felt prepared.  I read everything I was suppose to read, some of it twice.  I did the homework...with only a few tears.  I think it will get better each week.  I was nervous all class...then he asked a question...I knew the I raised my hand.  He called on me in a very nervous voice I answered...He said excellent.  Oh my goodness I just got a gold star. That is how it felt!  I took a deep breath and the nerves went away.  Then we had small group discussions..started to freak out a bit.  Didn't leave after the break...another gold star.  I was so glad when the guy in front of me asked me to be in their group.  YES!!  I met 3 people in my class.  One who's name is Stacey and she is awesome!  My first friend at college.  Such a nerd...  I was able to accomplish both goals: Participate and Make a friend!
I feel like a complete dork, having to set goals for myself and having a constant battle with myself to do homework, stay in school and not drop out, not feeling smart enough. Has anyone gone back to school after a long time and felt like this or am I the only one.  I have to do this, I know there will be good days and bad.  I need to do something with my life, these dead end jobs are killing me.  Am I thankful I have a job.  Heavens to Betsy yes....but I want to do something that I have always wanted to do...So back to school I go.  

1 comment:

  1. GOOD FOR YOU!!! You have always been an inspiration to so many young people and now you are inspiring both young and old. YOU ROCK!