So I have decided to go back to school...Someone help me! It was a last minute decision and everything just fell into place. I got into Idaho State University, got my student loans, and books. Attended my first class the end August, was very nervous, circled the building a couple times while talking myself out of going, then talking myself into going. I parked in the farthest parking lot away so I could get some exercise walking to class. I felt a little old walking by the dorms....hoped I wasn't the oldest one in the class. Anthropology my first class...wasn't the oldest one in the class, but was definitely afraid to talk to anyone, kept to myself and listened intently. I haven't yet been to my Literature class, I missed the first day due applying so late. I have struggled with the reading so far which has been super discouraging. I will attend my first class there tomorrow 9/9...I am extremely nervous and feel that I am not very will prepared. I have done my best to get through the 200 pages of reading...ugh....I keep telling myself to drop the class, but I don't want too...I need to finish school. I need to do something that will make me happy. Instead of bouncing from one job to the next. I want to be a teacher, I always have wanted that, but I hate school...Ironic...I think so.
The 2nd day in my Anthropology class...I made a goal to participate and talk to someone. I felt prepared. I read everything I was suppose to read, some of it twice. I did the homework...with only a few tears. I think it will get better each week. I was nervous all class...then he asked a question...I knew the answer...so I raised my hand. He called on me in a very nervous voice I answered...He said excellent. Oh my goodness I just got a gold star. That is how it felt! I took a deep breath and the nerves went away. Then we had small group discussions..started to freak out a bit. Didn't leave after the break...another gold star. I was so glad when the guy in front of me asked me to be in their group. YES!! I met 3 people in my class. One who's name is Stacey and she is awesome! My first friend at college. Such a nerd... I was able to accomplish both goals: Participate and Make a friend!
I feel like a complete dork, having to set goals for myself and having a constant battle with myself to do homework, stay in school and not drop out, not feeling smart enough. Has anyone gone back to school after a long time and felt like this or am I the only one. I have to do this, I know there will be good days and bad. I need to do something with my life, these dead end jobs are killing me. Am I thankful I have a job. Heavens to Betsy yes....but I want to do something that I have always wanted to do...So back to school I go.